Philly Today

Today’s thoughts:

•  I work at a place where we have to constantly read Standard Operating Procedures. We have to take a quiz to show that we understood what we have read. Today I saw a safety SOP that actually asked the question: Horseplay and fighting will be tolerated. True or False? Well, without even reading the SOP I know that is false. When is horseplay ever tolerated? Ever since we were kids we have been told “No horseplay”. Nobody ever bothered to tell us what horseplay is and why it is called horseplay. I mean, really. What a funny concept. Yet it is always one of the top rules at the pool or on the bus. I was tempted to answer True so that my manager would have to sit down with me and explain the answer in more detail.
• Speaking of work, I occasionally get an e-mail from a colleague that has the disclaimer: Please excuse spelling errors, sent from Blackberry. Now I finally understand. A Blackberry is a device that makes people bad spellers! So what’s your excuse when you’re not using the Blackberry?
• When someone does a commercial as a spokesperson, at the end they’ll say, “And tell them I sent you”. Now sometimes there’s a discount that goes along with that. But how do I know for sure? I would really feel like a dumbass going to a dealership to buy a car, and in the middle of negotiating, say to the salesman, “Uhh… by the way, I thought I’d mention that Bill Bergey sent me.” Of course the 20-year old salesman will have never heard of the NFL linebacker from the 70’s, and look at me like I was nuts.
• When I see a commercial that says, “Our laundry detergent cleans better than the leading brand” I always wonder if your product is so great, you should already be the leading brand. There’s got to be a reason you are not leading.

Here in Philly, the temperature is near record highs for the past couple of days, with the mercury hitting 90 degrees. I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if I hear about Philly being a future destination for the Snuggie Pub Crawl. Apparently it is sweeping the nation, with just this past week Seattle and Chicago having hosted it. The first one was held in Baltimore back in January and a bunch of other cities have followed. I just think the idea is a ridiculously great one. Snuggies are those blankets with sleeves that you’ve seen on infomercials. I believe there is another brand called the Slanket. Whatever you call it, it’s a blanket you can wear, and what better way to travel from bar to bar than in a nice comfy blanket with sleeves that you can wear around? I will keep you posted for more Snuggie events as I hear about them.

A student at the University of Pennsylvania was arrested and charged with arson for starting a fire in a high-rise dorm on campus. He started the fire near the elevator on the 22nd floor of the building on Locust Walk. This story brings me back to my college days, when idiots would decide to start fires or spray fire extinguishers in the hallway and we’d have to stand outside for hours in the rain in the middle of the night. I hated those people.

A few things about this guy, though. First of all, he is 22 years old. I could almost understand if he were some 18-year old freshman, but isn’t he a little old to be pulling these pranks? Come to think of it, he’s a little old to still be in a dorm room. There’s plenty of apartments to rent on that campus. Oh well, in any case, I thought Ivy League students were supposed to be smart. Luckily nobody was hurt in the fire.

On Sunday afternoon, several customers at a restaurant in Pottstown were injured when a pickup truck plowed through the window. The driver and as many as 14 patrons were injured during the accident at the King Buffet on Shoemaker Road. It is still under investigation but it is believed that the driver had a seizure inside his vehicle and lost control. After the crash, the truck’s wheels continued to spin inside the restaurant until a patron was able to turn off the vehicle.

This is a horrible incident but it got me thinking about a couple of things. How scary it must be for someone to have a seizure while driving and this can end up as the result. And for the patrons in the restaurant, to be sitting there enjoying a meal when all of a sudden a truck crashes right into your table. From either point of view, that is something I hope I never have to experience.

Harold Norbert “Harry” Kalas died on Monday, April 13 at the age of 73. Harry was the broadcasting voice of the Philadelphia Phillies since 1971, so I’ve never known another play-by-play voice. Even if you aren’t from Philly, you know Harry’s voice if you’ve ever watched NFL Films, movie previews, Chunky Soup commercials or even Puppy Bowl. He loved what he did so much and he was so gracious that he would lend his voice to just about anything. I am lucky enough to have a recording of Harry announcing my entire wedding party as we walked in to the reception - a surprise from my bride that I will always treasure.

Today there is a memorial service for Harry at Citizens Bank Park where fans are pouring in as I write this to pay their respects to a great man. In a rare honor, the casket is on the field near home plate so that fans can say goodbye in the place where Harry loved to be the most.  Harry the K, you may be “outta here” for now, but not in the hearts of your fans.

Yes, I picked a random day to blog about random stuff. Here goes:

•  Don’t you hate it when you’re at a family gathering and it’s time to sing Happy Birthday to someone? Not because I don’t like singing, but because there’s that awkward pause when it’s time to sing, “Happy Birthday Dear…” and nobody is quite sure what to call the person. Should I say her actual name, Alice? But to me she’s Aunt Alice, and to my cousins she’s Mom and to other people she’s Grandma and there’s that weird family friend who calls her A-Rod. Musically speaking, the song becomes a mess at that point.
• Speaking of songs, there’s a song I heard on the radio the other day with the following lyrics: “Shush girl, shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.” I later found out the song is called “Don’t Trust Me” by 3Oh!3. Yes, the line is in poor taste, but what bothers me even more is that it’s not even funny or remotely relevant today. Helen Keller has been dead for over 40 years, right? That would be like writing a song that said “Come on baby, do the Franklin Delano Roosevelt…” It doesn’t really work for me.
• I am not sure why, but it was only a few weeks ago that I realized that Bubba Burgers are not veggie. I was confusing them with Boca Burgers, or I thought maybe they were competitors. Why didn’t anyone tell me??
• Yesterday I was listening to the radio around noontime, and when the DJ gave the weather update he said, “And today’s high will be 49 degrees. Currently, it’s 52 degrees.” Way to bring attention to the fact that your forecast was totally wrong. If the current temperature is higher than the forecast, you could at least make that number the new high and at least save a little face.

Something caught my eye while I was driving around the other day. I saw a Saturn Vue in front of me and yes, I pretty much knew it was a joke because what was written on it looked like it was written by some kid’s finger in the dirt on the window. Even still, I thought it was funny for reasons probably not intended. Below is my awesome representation using Microsoft Paint.

That would be funny if this person actually was trying to sell their car. It made me laugh. Bye me? It took me a minute to realize what they were trying to say. Even if I ignore the fact that the comma was in the wrong place, I think they might want to rethink that 4th zero. I can buy me a nice house for the price of that car. Even with just 3 zeroes, that price still might be a little steep for a Saturn Vue. I am not sure why I found this so amusing. But here I am blogging about it.

I bet you did not know that right now the World Irish Dance Championships are going on in Philly. Why they are taking place here I have no idea; it is actually the first time they have been held outside of Ireland or the UK. 6000 dancers are competing, and last night one of the most famous Irish dancers was honored. Well, he’s not really Irish, but he is famous for dancing like he is. A 17-year old Michael Flately, from Chicago, was the first American to win the competition back in 1975. Of course he went on to Riverdance fame, and during last night’s event Flately was honored for his contributions to Irish dancing. I can’t do a jig to save my life nor do I want to, but for all of the dancers there it must have been exciting to get a chance to shake his hand.

Next time you’re munching on some nachos and feel like you’ve eaten so many that you might be hooked on them, you are not alone. In Lake Charles, Louisiana a woman who was attending a baseball game with her children, noticed something shiny in the tortilla chips they were eating. When she looked closer, she discovered that it was a metal hook that was baked into the chip.

The concession stand chips were purchased at Sam’s Club and were made by Medallion Food. It sounds like I am in big trouble. I love nachos; in fact, they are one of my favorite ballpark foods. I slather them in cheese sauce and chomp down on them pretty much without thinking. I may have to inspect closer next time.

The Phillies got their World Series rings in a ceremony before this afternoon’s game. I was going to write about how weird it was that they were celebrating last year’s success in the middle of playing so horribly so far this season - one run combined in the first two games. But somehow, they won today’s game in exciting fashion. It took an 8-run seventh inning to come all the way back for a wild 12-11 win over the Braves. And if you get a chance to see these rings, holy crap are they big. 103 diamonds on it representing the number of wins they had in the regular season and playoffs. It totals 3.84 karats. Now that they have received the rings, they can focus on this season. It seemed to work today.